It feels like its been a lifetime since you left us, but it's only been a few months. With each day that passes, I come to the realization that we will never see you again. I keep thinking that maybe this is a nightmare and I will wake up and see you. I still want to call you, and I still want to send Charlie to pick you up so that you can spend a couple of weeks with me. Since you left, it seems we all have started getting sick. I don't know if it's because we miss you so much or if it is just something that is meant to be. Sue, this is the hardest thing we have ever had to go thru. It was hard when we lost our parents and then our grandparents, but this is million times worse. We have been a part of each others lives for so many years. We went thru so many things and had so many happy times. We were all supposed to grow old together. We had a bond like no other. It was ALWAYS supposed to be the 6 of us.
I will never forget the 4 of us girls standing at your casket, saying goodbye to you, knowing it didn't need to be like this. Your death was wrong on so many levels. The ones who were supposed to love you and take care of you, they ended up hurting you so much. I will never understand how someone can do that. We did everything in our power to help you and take care of you, and when you went around them, they took every chance to make your life worse. Why? How could your own blood do things like that? I guess I know the answer, but it still doesn't make it easier to accept. They destroyed us, but they haven't realized what they have done to themselves. I don't think they will ever accept responsiblity for their part in your death. Their minds will never be clear enough. Your death has not changed one single aspect of their life.
The things that were done after your death, I will never be able to forgive them. I am sorry Sue, but I just can't find it in my heart to forgive. We were shut out, we weren't allowed to have any say in your resting place. I was screamed at when I asked for a burial. They had their minds set on having you cremated and I just can not forgive that. I realize they are young, but they should have let us help in the planning, instead of depending on a loser to influence their decisions. I feel they did it out of spite. I will never forgive them for cremating you, leaving you lay for days on end because one person in particular was busy looking for an apartment--not having the time to help in the arrangements, partying, forgetting to call a funeral home, the applause for the singers at the funeral home, one person in particular worrying about her mascara running after leaving your casket, I could name more, but the memories of that 12 days just makes me sick.
Sue, we will never let your memory die. We love you and miss you so much. We will always cherish the happy memories we have of you. You will live on thru us. Even though we miss you more than we can even begin to explain, I know you are in a better place, and I know you are safe and not wanting for anything. Sue, we will see you again one day and we will have that reunion in heaven with all of our loved ones that have passed. Until that time, hug everyone for me and tell them that I love and miss them. As for my little Jordan, I know you are filling in for me until I get there. You were with me the first time I got to see him and I think it hurt you almost as much as it hurt me. You and Carmen were there for me and I love you both for being there. You take care of him for me and Billy. I love you my Suebee. When I am called home, I know you will be there waiting for me and I can't wait to hug you.
Please watch over Diana, Carmen, Tina and John. I know they miss you, but I am not ready to let them go. We need each other.
We love you.